My Xanga continued on....

www.xanga.com/am_i_joe

Don't Worry, Be Happy.
Thank you for your prayers. God is now giving me sunny days.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

It's wierd. I was going through this eternal tunnel of suffocation and hardships. And suddenly, I was out of it. I feel relatively happy now. It's definitely God. He has come to Korea!!

Anyways, I'm going to stop being a hater. Yes, I have to admit that ever since this year, March, I've become a hater. Yep, a people hater, a cynical, skeptical person. I've seen, met, been hurt by, shocked by: mean, cold-hearted, manipulative people. Then it was April, and I was even more hurt and cynical. Then it was May, and I experienced some more backstabbing, badmouthing, eh I don't even want to go into details. Then it was June I found more deceptive people (after I trusted them of course). Then it was July and I was trying to find some normal people, but failed (after I thought I succeeded of course). Then it was August and I found one, ONE person out of the whole osp. ONE normal person. Do I need to define what the standard is for "normal"?

Cindy's dictionary word for "normal":
1. you do not secretly plan behind your so called best friend's back, to ruin her life and steal her best guy-friend.
2. you do not secretly enjoy your best friend's failures
3. you do not call someone who commited suicide, "gay" or "a loser," the night after he/she died
4. you are not nosy enough to look through people's backpacks and lockers to see what books they are studying with.
5. you do not make your mother call the principal to get a person you dislike to be rejected from a class.
6. you do not switch boats because you think that it's safer to be on the meaner boat.
7. you do not backstab your best friend to stick on your girlfriend's side.

Anyhoo, that was August. Then it was September and the osp director started hating me conspicuously (she hated me before too) by unfairly punishing me etc. because my parents weren't feeding her with money (like some people -_-), and I almost became mentally ill through stress and repressed emotions because I couldn't talk back to the bitch (which caused more stress). Sometimes I'd sit in front of my desk for hours, thinking about what I could have said or what I would say next time she bitched at me, and realize that I was on the same page as 3 hours ago, then I'd get so mad that I'd start to go out of my mind, loudly wailing and hitting myself on the head with anything on my desk. If it weren't for my parents, running to my rescue, I don't know what would have happened to my mental or physical state. Yeah, September is coming to a close. Now I am O.K. And back to my initial point: I am a hater no more. That doesn't mean that I'm going to be a lover. No, I'm just going to be a Christian. That works for me.

Thanks once again, for prayers, for worries, for loves. >_<!! This is a miracle. I'm finally Okay.

I'm getting sick of myself.

Moody?

For those who have compassion in their hearts,
please pray for minjae's parents and minjae's soul. I was crushed to hear that he and his family are christians. i know that no person can comfort minjae's family with words. Only God can bring the impossible peace to settle in their hearts.
minjae's death made me think about my own cousin's death, but these are two completely different situations.. After 5 years, my aunt can finally think of her son without tears because she has now sent him to a place better. and he died trying to save two girls. but in minjae's case, he was cornered to take the worst and saddest choice of committing suicide.. and as a christian, his family knows that he is not in heaven right now. that is the saddest part.. i know that his parents won't be able to Live anymore. every second will be a torture for them, and i pray to God that his mercy will somehow (i don't know how because i can't imagine what can comfort them, but I know that God almighty knows how) lift up their pain.

Please pray for the family with me. I didn't know him well, but I feel my heart reaching out to his family and i hope you do too.

Yesterday night, a boy from my osp committed suicide. He's a year younger than me and everyone in my grade liked him. I didn't know him that well. He jumped off the roof of a korean apartment. I think he wasn't adapting too well in the osp. I heard that kids from his grade didn't like him. It was all so shocking.. When our teacher broke the terrible news, I couldn't breathe well. People were running out of the room, their friends following them to the bathroom. I was too shocked to do anything, like most of us. What made me really mad was that some of the Korean kids didn't even give a damn. They have no feelings about others. They're so egoistical. If it's not them, it's not important enough to care about.

It has been a depressing day.